Couples Therapy for Navigating Divorce — Boca Raton and Across Florida & Texas
A lot of couples thinking about divorce are not sure yet. One of you might be done. One of you might be hoping this is a rough season. Some of you have already talked to an attorney and are wondering if it is strange to reach out to a couples therapist now. It is not. Some of the most important work can happen in the space between "I don't know if I can stay" and a final judgment.
Couples therapy for divorce is not about talking you into staying or walking you out the door. It is about making sure that whatever you choose, you choose it with your eyes open, and not just because you are too tired to keep fighting. And if you do separate, it is about coming out the other side still able to sit in the same room, especially if you are raising kids together.
It’s Okay to Seek Help During The Most Difficult Time in Your Life
What to Expect
There is no one script for a couple facing divorce. I use an integrative approach, which means I pull from several evidence-based models and fit them to where the two of you actually are. A couple deciding whether to try one more time needs something very different from a couple who signed papers last month and cannot get through a school pickup without a fight.
We start with one joint session so I can hear how each of you sees the relationship and what brought you here now. Then I meet with each of you individually. Those individual sessions matter more in divorce work than almost anywhere else, because people often cannot say "I am already halfway out" or "I am terrified of being alone" with their partner sitting next to them. After that, we come back together and decide what the work is going to be.
Depending on your situation, that work may draw on:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to map the cycle that has been running your relationship, so you can see it clearly whether you stay or go.
Attachment-based work to make sense of why this feels so physically overwhelming, and why you each react to the threat of loss so differently.
EMDR when an affair, a betrayal, or an old wound keeps hijacking every conversation about the future.
Decision-focused sessions grounded in research on couples on the brink of divorce, for when one or both of you need clarity before committing to anything.
Co-parenting work to build a working partnership around your kids once the romantic relationship is ending.
When One of You Is Leaning Out and the Other Is Leaning In
This is the most common situation I see, and the one most couples therapy is not built for. Researcher Bill Doherty calls these mixed-agenda couples. Traditional couples therapy assumes both people want to work on the relationship. Often, one of you does and one of you is not sure you want to try anymore.
You are not unusual. In a study of 2,484 divorcing parents, about 1 in 4 still believed their marriage could be saved with hard work. Among matched couples, roughly 1 in 3 had one partner interested in reconciliation help while the other was not, and in about 1 in 10 couples both partners were open to it (Doherty et al., 2011).
A follow-up study asked divorcing parents why their marriages ended. The top two answers were growing apart (55%) and not being able to talk to each other (53%) (Hawkins et al., 2012).
When you are on different pages, I do not ask the person leaning out to pretend they are all in. I also do not let the person leaning in carry all the hope alone. We slow down, get honest about where each of you stands, and figure out what it would actually take for each of you to feel confident in a decision.
Why Divorce Feels Like It Is Happening in Your Body
If you cannot sleep, cannot eat, or find yourself checking your phone every four minutes, nothing is wrong with you. Divorce is an attachment event, and your nervous system is reacting exactly the way it was built to.
Researchers David Sbarra and Cindy Hazan describe long-term partners as a coregulating system, meaning your bodies have literally learned to settle each other over time. When that bond is threatened or lost, the result can range from scattered anxiety to a full stress response, and recovery depends on learning to regulate yourself without the person who used to do it with you (Sbarra & Hazan, 2008).
This is why one partner may suddenly push hard for closeness while the other goes quiet and distant. In EFT we call these protest and withdrawal. They are not signs that one of you cares more. They are two different alarm systems going off at the same time. When couples can see that, the conversation about divorce usually gets a lot less cruel, even when the answer does not change.
How I work…
I offer in-person sessions in Boca Raton, upon request, for couples in Palm Beach and Broward counties, including Delray Beach, Boynton Beach, Parkland, Coral Springs, and Fort Lauderdale. I also see couples online anywhere in Florida and Texas, which can be a relief when you are already living apart or when sitting in a waiting room together feels like too much.
To help couples detach in a healthy way, I draw on attachment science. Through the separation process, I help each of you build a stronger relationship with yourself. I also help you shift out of the role of partners and into whatever role fits your situation now, whether that is no contact, co-parenting, or simply being on friendly terms.
Where This Work Can Go
Couples come to me at very different points, and the work goes in one of four directions. You do not have to know which one you are in before we start.
Getting clear. You are not ready to commit to rebuilding or to leaving. We spend a focused stretch of sessions on understanding how you got here and what each of you needs to make a decision you will not second-guess.
Rebuilding. You both decide to try. We move into full couples therapy using EFT to de-escalate your cycle and rebuild the kind of trust that holds when life gets hard.
Separating with less damage. You have decided to end the marriage. We work on how to tell your kids, how to talk about money and logistics without reopening every old wound, and how to grieve something that mattered.
Co-parenting after divorce. The marriage is over but the family is not. We build a co-parenting relationship that is calm enough for your kids to stop bracing for the next fight.
What the Research Says That Most Divorce Advice Leaves Out
Many divorces come from marriages that looked okay.
Sociologists Paul Amato and Bryndl Hohmann-Marriott found that roughly half of people who divorced over a six-year period had reported fairly high marital happiness beforehand (Amato & Hohmann-Marriott, 2007). A lot of couples I see are not in constant conflict. They are quietly disconnected, and that deserves a real look before anyone files.
Kids are hit hardest when they never saw it coming.
Long-term research from Penn State found that children whose parents divorced out of low-conflict marriages often struggled more than kids leaving high-conflict homes, largely because they were caught off guard (Penn State, on Amato & Booth's research). This is one reason I spend real time on how and when you tell your children.
How you separate matters more than whether you separate.
A 2020 meta-analysis found that the link between parental conflict and kids' emotional and behavioral problems after divorce runs largely through parenting itself, including warmth, hostility, structure, and pulling kids into adult issues (van Dijk et al., 2020). That is good news, because parenting is something we can work on.
A few hours of cooperation can echo for a decade.
In a randomized study of families in contested custody disputes, parents who mediated instead of litigating stayed far more involved with their kids 12 years later, without any increase in co-parenting conflict (Emery et al., 2001). I am not a mediator or an attorney. My role is to help you both stay regulated enough to do that kind of cooperative work well.
Navigating Divorce as a Gay or Lesbian Couple
Divorce looks different for LGBTQ+ couples, and most divorce resources were not written with you in mind. Many same-sex couples in Florida were together for years before they could legally marry in 2015, so the legal length of your marriage may not match how long your life has been built together. That gap can shape everything from how you grieve to how you divide what you share.
There are other layers too. Your friend group may be small and deeply shared. Your ex may be part of the same community you will keep showing up in. If you have children, questions about the non-birth or non-biological parent's role can bring up real fear, and those are worth taking to a family law attorney who works with LGBTQ+ families.
As a lesbian therapist and member of this community, you will not have to explain your relationship to me or defend that it was real. We can get straight to the work.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Yes. At that point the goal shifts from saving the marriage to ending it well. We focus on communication, telling your kids, and building a co-parenting relationship that does not keep reopening old wounds.
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There can be. You cannot force the outcome, but you can make sure the decision is made with real understanding on both sides. Sometimes that changes the answer. Sometimes it changes how you both get through it.
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Not exactly. Discernment counseling is a specific short-term model. I use an integrative approach that draws on research about couples on the brink of divorce, along with EFT and attachment work, and I tailor it to your situation.
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Yes - upon request. I see couples in person at my Boca Raton office and online throughout Florida and Texas.
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Yes. I am a lesbian therapist and LGBTQ+ affirming, and I understand the specific layers same-sex couples often carry through a separation.
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Joint sessions are not safe or appropriate when there is active abuse. I can support you individually and help you find the right resources. If you are in danger, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.
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I am a private pay practice and do not accept insurance directly. Sessions are $150 for a 50-minute session.
You Do Not Have to Know the Answer Yet
I cannot promise you a specific outcome, and I would be wary of any therapist who does. What I can offer is a space where both of you get to be honest, where nobody is pushed toward a decision before they are ready, and where the way you treat each other matters as much as what you decide.
Whether you are hoping to find your way back, trying to figure out if you should, or learning how to be a family in two homes, I would love to connect.
Schedule a 15 minute consultation today.
Most couples walk into therapy thinking the same thing: Is this the beginning of the end? It's not. For most of the couples I work with, it's the beginning of the relationship they've always wanted — they just weren't sure how to get there yet. In this post, I'm breaking down exactly what to expect in online couples therapy, from our first session together to the moment things actually start to shift. If you're a couple in Florida or Texas who's been on the fence, this one's for you.